Friendship or Utility? Pick one. Seneca, Epistles 1.9.8-12


Seneca explains his take on friendship. It is something we do for its own sake, not for benefits that can be separated from it. A real friend is there for you in times of trouble as well as times of joy, and you return the favor gladly, reflexively, without calculation. There is no friendship without liability. <Latin>.


Nunc ad propositum revertamur. Sapiens etiam si contentus est se, tamen habere amicum vult, si nihil aliud, ut exerceat amicitiam, ne tam magna virtus iaceat, non ad hoc quod dicebat Epicurus in hac ipsa epistula, ut habeat qui sibi aegro assideat, succurrat in vincula coniecto vel inopi, sed ut habeat aliquem cui ipse aegro assideat, quem ipse circumventum hostili custodia liberet. Qui se spectat et propter hoc ad amicitiam venit male cogitat. Quemadmodum coepit, sic desinet: paravit amicum adversum vincla laturum opem; cum primum crepuerit catena, discedet. Hae sunt amicitiae quas temporarias populus appellat; qui utilitatis causa assumptus est tamdiu placebit quamdiu utilis fuerit. Hac re florentes amicorum turba circumsedet, circa eversos solitudo est, et inde amici fugiunt ubi probantur; hac re ista tot nefaria exempla sunt aliorum metu relinquentium, aliorum metu prodentium. Necesse est initia inter se et exitus congruant: qui amicus esse coepit quia expedit et desinet quia expedit (); placebit aliquod pretium contra amicitiam, si ullum in illa placet praeter ipsam.

In quid amicum paras? Ut habeam pro quo mori possim, ut habeam quem in exsilium sequar, cuius me morti et opponam et impendam: ista quam tu describis negotiatio est, non amicitia, quae ad commodum accedit, quae quid consecutura sit spectat. Non dubie habet aliquid simile amicitiae affectus amantium; possis dicere illam esse insanam amicitiam. Numquid ergo quisquam amat lucri causa? numquid ambitionis aut gloriae? Ipse per se amor, omnium aliarum rerum neglegens, animos in cupiditatem formae non sine spe mutuae caritatis accendit. Quid ergo? ex honestiore causa coit turpis affectus?

Non agitur inquis nunc de hoc, an amicitia propter se ipsam appetenda sit. Immo vero nihil magis probandum est; nam si propter se ipsam expetenda est, potest ad illam accedere qui se ipso contentus est. Quomodo ergo ad illam accedit? Quomodo ad rem pulcherrimam, non lucro captus nec varietate fortunae perterritus; detrahit amicitiae maiestatem suam qui illam parat ad bonos casus.


But let us return now to the matter at hand. Even though the sage is content with himself, nevertheless he desires a friend, if only for the purpose of expressing friendship, a virtue so great that it should not lie idle. He will not value friendship for the reason Epicurus discusses in the epistle: "in order that he may acquire someone to look after him, saving him from the chains of obligation or poverty." Instead, he will desire to look after another, someone whom he is in a position to relieve from hostile encirclement. The person who looks at himself and seeks friendship for his own interest is planning poorly. As he has begun, so will he end: since he has made friendship a tool for avoiding chains of obligation, he will bolt the moment he hears a chain rattling. These are the friendships folk call temporary, undertaken for the sake of utility and pleasant only as long as they remain useful. This is why a crowd of friends will besiege those blooming with good fortune, while everyone avoids people already wrecked. The moment these friends are put to the test, they flee. History shows many disgusting examples: some flee in fear of losing what they use, others in fear of being useful themselves. Of necessity, their entrance into friendship resembles their exit: the person who becomes a friend for profit will abandon friendship for the same reason. Any price can purchase friendship whose purpose is not friendly.

"Why do you make friends?" To have someone I could die for. Someone I would follow into exile. Someone whose death I would resist to the bitter end, counting it equal to my own. What you are describing is not friendship, but a negotiation: a deal which looks for favorable terms and outcomes. Friendship definitely carries something similar to the mutual affection between lovers. You could say, in fact, that romantic love is a kind of insane friendship. For what person ever fell in love because it was profitable? Who would do something so disastrous inspired by ambition, or glory? All by himself, utterly negligent of every other thing, Love drives minds wild with desire for Beauty, so that they suppose she might return their affections. What to make of this? Does any disgraceful affect arise from origins more honest?

"We are not deciding now," you say, "whether friendship is something to seek out for its own sake." But there is nothing more pertinent to our discussion than this very question, since if friendship is in fact something we must seek for its own sake, then the person content with himself can nevertheless go after it. "How would he do this?" The way he approaches anything exceedingly beautiful: without external motivation, utterly free from any thought of profit or fear of fickle fortune. He would betray the divine majesty of friendship if he made her subject to convenience.


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() I accept et desinet quia expedit from Haase.